I have a confession to make…
Yesterday, after a full year had gone by, Game of Thrones season 7 premiered. All around town (Los Angeles), murmurs of excitement could be heard for the arrival of the highly anticipated new season. DVRs were set. Parties were planned. I said I was super excited when anybody asked. But the truth is, in the facial expression of Larry David, I felt, “meh” about the whole thing.

The break was just too long. It wasn’t a Ross/Rachel “we were on a break,” for just a few days; GOT Season 6 ended over a year ago. This show, which has more characters than Blac Chyna has sexual partners, (did you see that Rob Kardashian freak-out the other week?! But I digress…) can not take that long in between seasons. I’m not an elephant. I DO forget. You lose the momentum — at least, I do — with such long breaks. Before the show aired, I tried to remember some of the main characters names… My list was short. I could recall Arya, Jon Snow, and… yeah, that’s it. So many others had faces I remembered, but names I couldn’t recall. I knew there was: the short one, the hot brother who boned his sister, the redhead girl who usually has some ‘tude, the queen they yelled “shame” at, and the girl with pet dragons. Don’t even get me started with supporting characters’ names. I don’t know any of them. Whatever, they’re probably all dead by now anyway.

That being said, I of course watched the premiere. Did I fall asleep a few times? Yes. But, I’m a borderline (self-diagnosed) narcoleptic, so that was to be expected. When it’s winter on the show, and we’re in tons of forests and snow, it’s literally darker on the screen. That makes me sleepy. I expect a lot of darkness this season since, as I picked up on last night, winter is FINALLY here. Darn. I miss that sunny, pretty kingdom… with the flowers and the old woman played by Diana Rigg. What was that place called? I liked that set. Helped me stay awake.

Overall, I’ve got to give credit where credit is due. They did a good job of catching up the audience and reminding us where we last left off.

The start of the episode with Arya killing all those mofos who murdered her family at the Red Wedding was pretty bad ass. I did wonder why Arya spared that one younger girl from getting poisoned when she told her not to drink the wine. Did Arya not heed her own lesson?! “Leave one wolf alive and the sheep are not safe.” She literally just did what she advised again. Young Arya, still more to learn. (Upside… spin-off with this rando girl? Thoughts?)

I did enjoy how Cersei and Jaime clearly laid out that they were heading to battle and everyone basically hates them. They talked to some other dude whom I believe was a Greyjoy about helping them out with some ships and men. Minor requests. The Greyjoy man left to go bring them a present. I think he was going to possibly help them? Unclear if this was a belated birthday gift, or what his reason for running off was. Who the heck knows. I understood what was important: that this guy was super hot and had amazing blue eyes.

Last night surprised me with its CELEBRITY CAMEO! Arya, post mass-murder, stumbles upon a bunch of soldiers singing by the fire, lead by none other than ginger-head-man Ed Sheeran. I was a bit thrown off. He must have gotten very lost on his way over to the bar to find a lover and now, he’s stuck in an old-timey sausage fest. It was a fun spotting but somewhat distracting from the GOT world.

And poor Sam! Why is he cleaning up shit? Poor guy but that poop-to-soup montage was great. I have a feeling, a.k.a. I’m pretty sure it was made clear, that Sam is destined for bigger things as the season progresses.

The last part of the episode we meet up with Daenerys, who is sailing with her new crew (Peter Dinkledge, what you doing there?) to her dad’s former kingdom. I thought she was headed to Westeros to take the Iron Throne. Then, she shows up to this abandoned castle with a perfectly good throne not being used. So what’s the problem? Take that throne and then everyone can chill out.

One big bummer was the lack of gratuitous sex that kept me hooked in the first few seasons. I sensed some sexual tension between Sansa and Jon Snow but they’re siblings, right? Actually, in this world, that’s actually okay! Fingers crossed for that love affair.

And there you have it. The most basic-bitch review out there. I totally get it, right? Season 7, I’ll stick with ya.

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