–> If I had a memoir, I think I’d title it “Small Head, Big Dreams.” You see, I have a very small head. The other day, at my friend’s apartment, she offered me her hat to borrow for a European adventure I’m about to take off on. I immediately scoffed at the idea, illustrating how silly it was by putting on said hat and disappearing beneath it. The next day, I felt the urge to write a poem on the subject. Must be the sudden lack of rehearsal dinners in my life. Alas, I give you my poem “Small Head, Big Dreams.”

It’s not a clinical disorder, you wouldn’t call me a freak

It was even worse when I had an over-sized beak (nose job…).

But my head is tiny, it’s really quite small, if I pointed it out you would say, “Oh yeah, adorable!”

I can’t wear hats but doesn’t mean I haven’t tried: fedoras, baseball caps, sun hats, all too big, my face they do hide.

As a sorority pledge we were tasked to wear hats for a week, that Von Dutch cap made me feel oh so weak.

I had massive headaches from straining my eyes, it’s really amazing that I ever did survive.

I have a bike, it sits, collecting dust.

I went to get a helmet, because for safety it’s a must.

None of the helmets I tried would stay on my head.

What’s the point of wearing one, if a car comes, I’d still end up dead!

I have a friend, pretty large breasts she had (breast reduction…),

Fooling around, the image was sad.

I put a cup of her bra onto my skull, it fit right in there, the cup almost full.

I wear hair extensions when the occasion is right,

A hairdresser told me my small head was cost efficient, the need for less hair is great when the budget is tight.

I have a tiny head, don’t think it will ever grow.

But now you understand my struggles, the more you know.

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