So today I awoke and knew something wasn’t right. I ran to the bathroom to confirm my suspicion – my eyes were swollen yet again! This time they were bad – imagine a ball of Play Dough with two marbles stuffed in the middle for eyes, and that’s about what I looked like. Ever hear the phrase “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results?” Well, I have to admit then I am in fact, insane. After I went to the eye doctor I was told to throw out anything that had come in contact with my eyes – mainly my eye makeup as well as makeup remover. My inner cheapness (it’s an inherited trait) got the best of me. That Loreal eyeliner is pricey, maybe it will be OK if I just line the bottom lids…..hello, swollen eyes. There are still so many makeup remover pads in this jar, maybe if I grab one from all the way at the bottom…and that brings me back to this morning. Not sure what to do, I did what any smart person would and Googled “how to remove swollen eyes.” According to the very reliable first link, “howtogetridofstuff.com,” I was instructed to apply cool cucumber slices to the eyelids. Looking back, I’m not sure how I got “frozen” from “cool” but I threw two slices into my ice bucket and hopped in the shower. Once I got out, I retrieved my frozen treats and applied them over my eyes. I wrapped tissues around the slices because they were too cold and then removed them, because I didn’t want to block any of the magical cucumber goop from working. I relaxed once I got used to the cold. I tried to imagine the cucumbers erasing my red eyes and then I imagined the cucumber was talking to me and asking me out on a date – that is when I realized I was dreaming. I popped up, cucumbers now situated on my chest, having slid down my face, and saw the clock read 9AM. Here I was late for work, eyes redder than before, and a perfectly good cucumber wasted. I was about to toss out the cucumbers when I thought, “I should save these just in case this happens again. Maybe they will work next time.”

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