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You know what they say about blogs, one day you’re creating one and the next thing you know, it’s seven years old! Or maybe I’m getting that confused with babies? Whatever. Po-tay-to, po-tah-to, baby, blog-o. So, I thought it was time to give her a new look. Like when you decide it’s finally time for your seven-year-old to have her unibrow waxed.

This was something I wanted to do for awhile. I created accounts over the past few months at Weebly, SquareSpace and WordPress before realizing this blog is the Ikea Malm of my college years. There’s no way I can put it together without help. So, I did like all good Jews do, I paid someone to do it.

While my blog was under its revamp, the summer came and went. I say this, but really when you live in Los Angeles, summer continues to bleed into fall, and it only gets hotter. No real need to classify the last two months as “summer” but for you non-Californians, it’s a time period you can understand. Let’s talk summer. The summer of Penny.

I decided to foster a dog (if you haven’t caught on, that’s Penny). I often tell people that I want a dog, but when I break down the reality of it, I just can’t do it. Partially because there are months when I can only afford to feed one, and that one is going to be me. And… fine. I’m still a bit too selfish and not ready to commit to the responsibility of owning a dog. But, damn do I love dogs.

At a dog adoption, which I frequently visit with no real intent to adopt, I overheard the word “foster.” I inquired. What’s that you say? I can keep a dog for a short amount of time and you will provide me with everything I need to keep that dog alive? And, if it’s not working, I can just bring her back? I was in. I went to the dog rescue and played with a few pups, hoping to find a connection with one of them. The poor dog who was partially blind really wasn’t feeling me. But then there was Penny, jumping into my lap. At the time, they were referring to this dog as Twirl. I deemed this an unacceptable dog name and decided from that point on, she would be Penny.

A friend of mine told me I should be careful with adopting a female dog who was not yet fixed, since they can get their periods. So, I asked at the rescue, and they told me it was very unlikely. Female dogs(bitches for short) apparently aren’t like women and only get their periods two times a year. I wish I was a bitch. (Insert obvious comment here). You can guess what happened next. I took Penny home and it only took a few days before she got her period.

She also had terrible separation anxiety and her barking while I was out resulted in nightly notes from my unhappy neighbors upstairs. Back to her period. Yup, she got it. The people at the rescue said the only thing I could do was get her diapers. So, I did. At first, they were too small. I went back to the pet store and exchanged the diapers for the next size up. But those were too big. My little Goldilocks was falling out of every diaper I painstakingly tried to keep her in. And, boy, was Goldilocks horny. She had a thing for my arm: she would wrap both her little arms around it and hump like there was no tomorrow. I admit, I found it kind of hilarious. But when Penny latched on to anyone who came over my apartment, my visitors didn’t find it so cute. Between the arm humping, the barking, and the blood, I had to say goodbye to Penny. It was hard, and I was unsure, but when I brought her back, I was told there was already someone else in line asking if they could foster her. I only wish I could have gifted them the extra 50 dog diapers I had in my apartment. And I hope for Penny’s sake, her new owners have nice, sturdy arms.

Penny left about a month ago and I have to say, I’m feeling a lot less stressed. This made me think about all my friends who have children. I’m just wondering… how the hell do you do it? You can’t return those! What do you do when your neighbors write you nasty notes about your baby’s crying? And, how the f**k do you get those diapers on? I’m honestly in awe. And also, awesomely childless and dog-less. So, in seven years, not that much has changed. But my blog has.

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