Whelp, it’s 2018 and I don’t feel any different. I was hoping I would wake up this morning excited for a new year. A clean slate. A chance to reinvent myself. Instead, I woke up and felt just like I did before the ball dropped. Really, it’s no surprise. I’ve been doing this New Year’s thing for quite some time now and there’s a pretty predictable pattern. I decide I want to “insert generic goal: lose weight, obtain career success, become Beyonce” and then when the year is over, I’m not celebrating my newly fabulous life on a yacht in the the South of France. So, I’m done with my unrealistic hopes and dreams. I know better. 

All this being said, I am a bit of a sucker for the “new year, new you” hype. So, yes, in the words of Regina George, “I really wanna lose 3 pounds.” (What? I do! That is exactly what I gained this past month achieving my goal of never going more than 30 minutes without some treat in my mouth.) But, I thought up some smaller, more achievable goals that really would help me live my hashtag best life. Feel free to make them your own. Or, go on with your life as is. Maybe your life is already perfect… and if so, I hope we never meet.

Unpack within two days of returning from any trip.

I know I’m going to have to do it eventually. For some reason, this has always been a struggle for me. I often come down with postparty (™) depression after a great vacation, and unpacking just adds insult to injury. But, the stench of damp bathing suits sitting in a suitcase for over a month is no bueno.  Just last week I went to unpack my boyfriend’s suitcase which I often borrow for weekend getaways and was mid “Hey idiot, you still have clothes in here from–” when I realized, he doesn’t wear floral blouses (Except on Easter. JK. JK.)! Never again will I beat myself up for losing another piece of clothing only to find it in a suitcase months later.

Stop buying expensive beauty products.

I say this not because they aren’t worth it, or that I can’t afford it (I can’t but that’s a separate issue) but because I NEVER use them! I go through a honeymoon phase, where I’m all excited: Jennifer from Denver says Dr. Dennis Gross’s Alpha Beta Peel has made her skin look smoother than ever! So, I get the new product, use it consistently for about about a week, and then taper off to letting it collect dust on my sink. I’d say I miss you Clarisonic Brush, Oral B. Electric Toothbrush, Fancy face mask of a brand I can’t remember… but I just don’t. 

Hang up my shit.

I’m a clothes thrower. They come off my body and onto anything that isn’t a hanger. In college, I had “the chair.” This thing got so full of clothing, that I didn’t realize one of my roommates had been stealing and wearing my clothes from it all semester. The legacy has continued except now it’s just “the ground.” I partially blame my (undiagnosed) narcolepsy because after I fall asleep EVERY NIGHT on the couch I have to drag myself into the bedroom and can barely keep my eyes open while I get undressed and into pajamas. But ya know what, I’ll give myself to the next morning. That seems fair, no? 

Write on this blog often enough so that I don’t forgot my password.

As I write this on a google document I am waiting for my account to be unlocked. “Write more” is one of those yearly New Year’s resolutions of mine that I always make and yet never feel I’ve truly accomplished at year end. Instead of saying “write everyday,” (which hot tip: if you want to be a successful writer, you really should!) I’m just aiming to not go so long that I forget my password. FYI, this is exactly how you don’t make a goal. Unspecified and unmeasurable. But, I’m an adult and I can do what I want! So, hopefully you’ll see more blog posts in the new year. Or, I’ll just work really hard to memorize my password. 

Fix this situation.

This has got to be doable, right? I have 12 months to stop looking like I’m living in a college dorm. I put down the towel because I got a beautiful dresser that I didn’t want to scuff up with my television. Then, my boyfriend moved in and brought over his boy-TV which he balanced on a bunch of college textbooks. Talk about a missed opportunity — I sold those things for cash the second the courses were over! I’m better than this. I know it. I also know I have the Task Rabbit app and you know what, I’m doing this now!

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