So today was my first day on the iphone bandwagon.  You know the old question, “if all your friends jumped off the Brooklyn bridge, would you?”  Well my answer is a most definite “Yes.”  With most of my friends living across the country from me, our blackberry messenger group was a constant way for me to keep in touch.  When within days they all disappeared from the group chat my FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) acted up.  I heard rumors of iphone chats without my presence.  What if I met a guy at a bowling alley, fell in love and hopped on a last minute flight to Vegas to wed?  There would be no way to simultaneously alert all my best friends at once!  Hence, I caved.  I went online to order my iphone and like a drunk college student clicking on an online menu I had no idea what I was selecting  (Uh…16GB….sure data plan, I’ll do the one in the middle).  I then tracked my phone as it traveled from China to Hong Kong to Anchorage to Tennessee to Los Angeles to Culver City (it was closer in Los Angeles but I don’t control the iphone’s mysterious pathways) to my apartment over a month later!  It was finally here.  And I was nervous.  I left the phone in the box for an extra three days.  Was I ready for this commitment?  I just learned how to turn my alarm off on the weekends on my blackberry, was I ready for Suri and apps and some birds that apparently have a bad temper?  Ipods are like socks to me; I lose them frequently and never know how it happens.  The iphone is like the ultimate ipod.  I lose that, it’s like losing a shoe!  With trepidation I entered the AT&T store and asked the bored looking teenager to hook me up.  I asked for a tutorial, which now I’m realizing he may not have known what that word meant, because he agreed, yet no lessons were given.  I left the store, got in my car, and tried my first test call.  No service!  I almost had a panic attack as I illegally u-turned my car back around and marched back into the store.  “You didn’t make it work!” I not so kindly told my apathetic service representative.  “Weird,” he replied.  “Do-da-de-de” (or whatever sounds hitting random buttons would make) he tapped away, handed me back my phone and hoped he wouldn’t see me again.  Likewise.  I took my new iphone, and us two crazy kids, alone in the world, were off.  Like a child getting used to new sibling,  I was curious, yet hesitant to commit to my iphone.  I did some poking and prodding and managed to get in the grove of sending text messages.  Texting like a fifty year old housewife, I lost a war with auto correct.  Telling several friends I was at an oregano (auto correct for pregame) or sending a text such as this “I think if you say name jta fj ep” which may be attributed to a few drinks instead of the iphone, but I still blame the latter.  I screamed at my phone “Siri, hello?” wondering where that little minx was hiding.  I found her and I’ve had a love/hate relationship thus since.  When she gets it right, she’s ever so helpful.  When I tell her to call Jamie and she dials “AJ do not call” I get angry.  When I asked her to text a friend “Have a good flight” and she replies with “thank you very much”, I wanted to smack her.  Why would I wish a lady trapped in my cellphone a good flight?  She must be blond.  But, I must admit my discovery of the endless world of apps has made me very ‘appy!  Am I going to voraciously download any and all apps I see, appsolutely!  Do I love using “app” in cheesy puns?  What can I say, it ‘appens!  I’ve spent a good portion of my day looking at iphone covers and considering if I’d be taken seriously ever again if I purchased this 4s case?  Thoughts?  So my iphone and I are off, a new relationship, where I’m sure I’ll discover something new everyday.  Like how the keyboard flips sideways for typing with both hands (and how shaking it furiously upwards does not switch it back).  I may not know how to turn the sound off while I sleep but I do know one thing: when I hear consistent chimes going off at 6AM, my friends in NY are chatting away in a group that I am again a part of!

1 Comment on iPhobia

  1. Harley
    November 23, 2011 at 7:32 am (6 years ago)

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